Communication Problems

I’ve never been a great communicator. Anyone whose spent a fair amount of time with me knows that a bit (or a lot) of silence is par for the course. Its not that I’m not a big talker, under the right circumstances its tough to shut me up. My problem is though that I'm usually only thinking about the current moment. I’m taking in my surroundings and not really thinking about anything else, so unless there’s something immediate which grabs my attention and stimulates me then it’s pretty much up to the people around me to generate conversation. I sometimes wonder how this appears to the person I’m talking to and I imagine it makes for a bit of hard work.
Do you ever hold imaginary conversations with someone in your head? Try to plan out what you want to say and how you want to say it. I do that a fair bit, but it never really works out. Sometimes its because of a response I didn’t expect which takes the conversation down an unplanned tangent but more often its because somewhere between my brain and my mouth the words are all re-written by a retard who must live in my nose. In my head I’m smart, funny and suave, like James Bond crossed with Woody Allen. When I actually speak it sounds to me more like Homer Simpson meets Rocky Balboa. Its not a constant problem, it pretty much depends on who I’m with. The more comfortable I am the more fluid I become. Which brings me to my last problem.
I’ve always been a very shy person. When presented with new people, especially women, I do get terribly nervous. Its getting easier as I get older, age brings a certain level of automatic confidence with it, but I can still remember being the painfully shy practically mute young man that I was. Its how I’ve been since I was a small child. I never really got a lot of practice in talking to people and getting to know people. I’ve always found it to be an uphill struggle, so much so that I tend to not bother. Do you know the phrase “A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet” Well my motto has always been “A stranger is just a stranger so why the fuck should I care?” Well I’ve decided that’s not a great attitude to have so when I next have the chance to meet a stranger and make a friend of them I’ll give it a go. Practice makes perfect.

Stay Frosty.