Work to live or live to work?

I find myself with a bit of a problem at the moment. It’s not an uncommon situation, in fact its remarkably common. I hate my job. I really hate it. It makes me miserable. I fell in to it when I was 19 and somehow 6 years have flown by without me noticing. That’s not entirely true, I have noticed. I’d say the rot really started to take hold about 3 years ago, but somehow around that time I got promoted and that eased the pain a little. Now another 3 years have ticked by and I feel like my life is just draining away with every moment I spend here. I spend most days just trying to keep myself distracted until I can go home, trying to go unnoticed in the hopes that everyone will just forget about me and leave me alone to while away the hours as I please. This just isn’t what I want to do. I don’t care about it. I feel it all the way to my core, I just don’t care about the bullshit that goes on and no matter how hard I try I cant make myself care. I know most people don’t actually care about their jobs, its just a means to an end. Work to live. Well I’m sick of working to live. I feel like when I’m working I’m dead in spirit and in mind. I’m sick of only living half my life.

In April I got given a new job. I didn’t ask for it and I didn’t want it. They just changed what I do and told me to get on with it. I didn’t like that. It really knocked the wind out of me professionally. Now I feel directionless, useless and a little bit scared that I can’t do what is now required of me. The worst part is that my peers all seem to have a better handle on it than me. I know they don’t actually care anymore than I do, they’ve just found that nut of motivation to drive them onwards and upwards. Good luck to them, I hope they get where they want to be, but it’s just not for me.

The answer is obvious of course. I should leave. Great. Then what? I can’t live on fresh air. Can’t go on the dole, those days are numbered. Get another job then. Great. Except the only thing I’m qualified to do is exactly the job that I’m doing now, which I hate. Awesome. Try to get in to another area?.....I don’t know what I want to do. There’s the nut of it all I suppose. If I had a goal to shoot for then it wouldn’t be so bad. I’ve thought a lot about going back to college to do something but I don’t know what and I’d still have to work at the same time and with one thing and another it’s just not feasible. But that’s another post for another day. All I can do for the moment is keep my head down, get on with it and hope for the best. It’s the same for all of us I suppose and it’s fucking depressing to think about.

So I’m feeling trapped and miserable and now I’m feeling the old guilt of having the audacity to complain about my crappy job as I sit here writing this in my comfy office chair which thousands of people would kill for a chance to sit it (Yes I’m writing this in work instead of working). It’s not like I’m mining coal here, what the hell do I have to complain about? Answers on a postcard please.